Seven months overdue.

Twelve months ago, I would have never been able to describe this moment. The twinkling christmas lights, the fake pine tree smell that lingers in the air, that loud silence that is so eerie you can even hear yourself breathing (maybe I just breathe loudly... ha). I remember feeling so curious what it was like to feel this again. To be sitting on a couch enjoying silence. Twelve months ago, I was trekking the the mountain's of Perú, through the peaceful and intriguing city of Cusco, Cuzco, or Qusqu. Eventually making it to Machu Picchu and my personal favorite, Huayna Picchu. Each day I spent traveling around this beautiful country, I was surrounded by amazing experiences, incredible people, and indescribable adventures. After hiking up Huayna Picchu, I remember breathing in as much as that crisp, unadulterated air. I still cannot fathom each incident for what it was, pure. My travels from Cusco to Tumbes were even more unscripted and genuine. The uncertainty of what this place would bring was so refreshing and too comfortable. I can recall moments on the beach, for example midnight Christmas Eve., when I craved the coldness that winter was usually accompanied by, the music that fills my heart with such warmth, and even the physical affection that only family knows how to express.

I am reminding my heart how to live in the present. I do not what to keep retrieving to my past for comfort, but instead use it as a wall. A proactive wall. A wall that does not allow me to fall back to comfort and constant wondering, but instead I can look back on where I have been and use it to help me keep going forward. I can admire the wall, but there is no use in staying stagnant. I did miss this rigid, ridiculously dry, and freezing weather, but instead of living in that gorgeous moment I kept missing this moment. And if this moment was supposed to happen again... It would find a way to. Recently, my mind has been overrun by memories of the most incredible months in my life. The months filled with humid air, midnight patient care, and overbearing doctors. I will never forget those experiences, but I will neither use them as a crutch or let myself be weighed down by the luggage that it may create. God has made every instance in my life a learning experience and that was my general thought for tonight.

I can still feel the glistening beads that used to roll off my forehead after a long morning in the clinic. As I walk through this city, where I am only another student, another stranger with my own agenda. I imagine seven months ago, and I crave that moment again. If it is God's will, I will return and see my family again. For now, I will take in the warm tea, cozy blankets, and new love I have found around me. God is amazing.